Exploring & Healing Our Relationship with Ourselves


"Your first marriage is to yourself.  For better or worse, in sickness and in health...till death do you part." 





One of the most core experiences of being human is our desire and need for belonging.  At the same time, a deep level of fear, pain or avoidance can get in the way of true connection.   It is easy to be afraid of being hurt, especially when our past wounds come up.  The first step to true belonging is first found with ourselves.


The exploration of "who am I" in relationship is an essentiail part of learning about ourselves that I find comes up often in my work with my clients.


Most of us inherited our ideas of relationship from our parents or early experiences with friends and family.   For something so important, it's amazing how unintentional many of us can be when it comes to relationship.  This isn't our fault necessarily.  This is because we tend to live unconsciously and without intention.  We simply react and hope to make it through our time here, clinging to the good and running from the bad.  Many of us never got to learn how to properly be in relationship.


This is because relationship starts with ourselves, and intimacy comes from accepting, and then loving who we are first.  We have to be able to learn how to be with, honor, and love ourselves before we can truly learn what it means and what it takes to be in a relationship with another.  At least in a healthy way.  


The fact is, no one is perfect. We are all a bit lopsided.  We all get to make mistakes, and struggle.  This is how we learn and grow.  There is no shame in authentically and compassionately recognizing our own humanness.  



When we talk about counseling for relationships, we usually think about last ditch couples therapy to save a relationship in high conflict.  But what if we could be proactive and really address our first relationship, which is the relationship we have with ourselves.  If we can improve the relationship we have with ourselves first, we will have a leg up on dating and looking to meet that special someone because we have truly met ourselves first.  This is the most important idea when it comes to meeting either "the one", or just a potential partner.  When we know ourselves, we are able to better know what we want, and how we want it.  



Therapy to explore and oftentimes heal, our own inner relationships will give us the chance to create a firm foundation, waste less time, and ultimately be better equipped to find the relationship(s) we long for.  


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© 2021 David Eshleman, LMFT
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